WOooOooow

Maybe i should have taken the my internet's server disconnection as a sign. But if you have something to say at 3:45 in the morning, and can still say in in the light of day...well, then it's worth sharing...

I always assumed that people who outwardly advertised their happiness were cruel...that they were inadvertently jabbing me with their smiles and laughter. Their success magnified my problems (I think that sentence is the definition of selfish, go look it up). I was used to the "if they're happy, i'm happy" crap, because overall i was happy (convincing, right?) but i was...really. But the "hey, i just got a B in physics" and the "I finally have my license" or even the "i'm having the best day...ever" thing was really starting to bring me down. Like 80% of me was jumping up and down, knowing they deserved it, and the other twenty was throwing a full-blown pity party (when i say party i mean a "my parents are away for the weekend party"[not that i know what that's like{wow, i just used brackets cause i have so many sub-thoughts...irony?}]).

So yeah, practically a pity rave. Sad, huh? But...I'm done. And most of me knows that I've been done for a long time (the twenty percent is just getting the Memo). haha...wow...wow. I finally figured out that happy people cannot help going unnoticed. Not because they want attention, but because you cannot contain happiness. Just like love, it is impossible to squeeze happiness into a box, or fold it into an ever-decreasing triangle. Happiness is odd. It sings and cries. It's loud, smelly, and misshapen. And best of all, happiness is shared.

That is why "I love my friends" should be written (in caps), and said (in a scream) instead of repeated inside your head. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. Only a friend would continue to read this and not think i was a wackjob. So friends...i'm gonna start sucking less. Yup, it's about time. But that means you have to make a promise. You have to promise to never leave me, because i will never leave you. And know that i won't judge you. And above all, open up. If you're a true friend i can know anything about you, not just anything but everything. I love how unfocused this thing is...and how hypocritical i am...but i'm sure you'll forgive me.

So here it is, in all its over-due, epiphany stained glory, a happy post.

It's Good to See You Again...

Large breaks are so awkward...giant stretches of complete silence. How do you resume like nothing ever happened?
I thought about just typing yunji. period. Or perhaps dirka, dirka. But maybe the best way to get back into the swing of things is to be completely spontane- BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM.-ous. I love ice breakers...

well, i hope you enjoyed that. And if you didn't we need to hang out.

mama mama MAMA

now that im feeling better its time for a blog post...im gonna try to find something significant out of my sickness. i love lists so...

While i was sick, i learned that:

• if you want something done right, have your mom do it (my dad went to the grocery store so i asked for flinstone's push-ups, the one with dino on the cover, and he got finding nemo. they were delicious ( i had three in one day) but this leads me to my next discovery...
• finding nemo 50/50 < flinstones assorted (cherry, grape, orange...in order of the best flavors)
• my immune system has evolved (dayquil has no effect on me anymore). this also connects back to mom knows best cause my brother went to get more medicine (i used up all the dayquil/theraflu/tylenol) and he bought....DAYQUIL...liquid dayquil.
• hot is better for a sore throat than cold
• laughter is the best medicine...the only problem is sickness transforms laughter into a cough...try it, you'll start to laugh but then it contorts and strains into a heap of dry heaves

it feels good to get that out of my throat...

Snot Feeling Well

You know you've hit rock bottom when your throat is clogged with something thick and green, and your nose drips onto a book without letting you know...i feel like both body parts have switched functions. (But, for the record, i don't drool...anymore.)

Breakin' Up

I miss you...even if i never really liked you.

Well, that’s not true...you were thin, usually quiet, and always seemed to fit just right. But i had serious thoughts of getting rid of you, especially around christmas. I should have been grateful. Sorry for all the pain i've caused...towards the end of our relationship i'd just let you fall, without much concern

Mostly, i miss what was inside. Our pictures. So many fuzzy, blue-gray images (you never did have the best vision)...I miss the simpson display at krikorian...y&g meetings...my new-born nephew in the hospital...debut practices...my dogs (even bella)...eric and aubree... choir shows... the thermostat at the choir banquet...david posing...meaghan and shanell looking awkward...that blue and purple thing that was my screensaver for like two months, whatever it was, i miss it too...and most of all, i'll miss jillian's face...bus rides, birthdays, summer nights. Half of your memory is filled with that thing.

I kinda expected to take a graduation picture or two with you...I thought we had more time. It started with michael's freshly shaved head, and ended with kyden's cute mug...

Goodbye.

Suck It...In

i do sit-ups when i see diet pill commercials...

what if you spent the same amount of energy and time sucking in your gut as you did exercising...and by you, i mean me.

There Was No Blood (Part Two)

this one's kinda self-explanatory...WOW...maybe im being a little passive aggressive, but i dont want to see it anymore......I feel like crying in the breadsticks.